so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
