i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
vagina is talking i cant
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
