"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
