So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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