You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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