and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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