...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
