I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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