I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
