This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize