I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
