Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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