dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
