that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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