If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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