Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
