Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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