well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We left the knife in your bed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
