My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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