we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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