I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
worst night to have a conscience
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
