the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
