Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
