Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
