i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and i looked up. we had an audience...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
