I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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