btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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