im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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