I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
