shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
