Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize