I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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