all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
