when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
