i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
