fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
