I just saw a hot homeless man
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
