I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
