Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize