non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
