that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
