guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
