so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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