wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
