You're so nebulous sometimes
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
