Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's rum buckets o'clock
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
