And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
