Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm going to jail i love you
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
