More tranny stories later!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
