The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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