I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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