I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize