If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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