mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
