we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
