I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
