the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
