I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
birth control should be required to get into college
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
