my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
