One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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