My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
