A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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