The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
