I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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