I am puke
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
