i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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