Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
