Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
