12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
why do cheetos always look like penises
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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