Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
