Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
