Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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