Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
