It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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