So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You ruined the universe
Randomize
